I puked a lego.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
