Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
