my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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