i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
