so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
