This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
