I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
