Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
