They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
