Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize