I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
