Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize