watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
