Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
