awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you inspire me to be a worse person
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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