I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
