remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
