He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
