we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My life is pants optional.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
