Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
