Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
