I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
