respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
