GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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