$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
