why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
