we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
