I didn't shave. On purpose
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize