Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
