i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
