You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
