I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
