Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
