I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
