I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
