neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
