Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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