I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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