im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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