Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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