i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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