In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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