your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
