Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
