I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
how does that bad decision feel?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
