And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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