Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
