FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
