Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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