Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
