just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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