I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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