i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
