I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
