I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
