so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
