it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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