Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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