A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
