I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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