Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
