Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
