its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
