i think my mom watched the whole time
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
