Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
