I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
