I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You need Xanax blowdarts
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
