I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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