I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
