pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
