There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
