WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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