New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
