no, he came in my armpit
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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