i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
