epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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