everyone is single if you try hard enough
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
