I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So squirting runs in the family.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Are we still banned from the library?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Drunk is not a location!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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