Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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