Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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