I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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